my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
