Im at strip club and am horny
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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