Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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