So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
