Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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