I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
