I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
