I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
