I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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