omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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