oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
