I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
