I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
