I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
