i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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