Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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