well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
