If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
