My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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