Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
