I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
