your thong is hanging out like whoa
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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