There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
