I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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