dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
