you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
