this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
