My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
