I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
