I heard we made out
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
