Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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