with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
