forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
