Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
