I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
