sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
