yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Acid is not a monday night drug
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
