Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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