Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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