they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
