No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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