I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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