I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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