So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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