How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
