can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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