I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
