does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
