On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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