So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
