you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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