I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
