he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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