So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
