If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
