Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
