My friends, they love my intelligence
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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