she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
