and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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